


I'll Wait

by mamamoofic



Category: Mamamoo
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 05:14:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16340459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mamamoofic/pseuds/mamamoofic
Summary: Hyejin and Byulyi were perfect, the ideal. But all that changed after an accident at the seaside one night, and Hyejin is willing to wait, no matter how long it takes, to bring things back to the way they were before.





	I'll Wait

**Author's Note:**

> written by sstarwindflowersun

byul-ah,  
they said writing to you will help ease the pain,  
i’m doing just that.

your love  
hyejin <3

* * *

byul-ah,  
do you remember how we used to be?  
every time i was sad you’d take me to the cliffs in the outskirts of town,  
where we could be alone, just the two of us, like it was our own special place.  
you’d tell me to just yell into the emptiness,  
you’d say that it would make things better.

things aren’t good now,  
i’m not happy at all.  
and i know i won’t be happy,  
without you by my side.  
will you bring me to our special place?  
please? 

your love  
hyejin <3

* * *

byul-ah,  
i’m sorry  
yongsun says that it’s okay,  
that it isn’t my fault that you’re here now  
i know she’s just trying to make me feel better.  
it’s not okay,  
it’s all my fault

if only i didn’t insist on going to the beach,  
if only i didn’t drag you into the water,  
none of this would have happened. 

i was pretty drunk that night,  
but that doesn’t make all of this any less of my fault.

are you angry at me?  
is that why you’re not responding?  
i wish i could fix this,  
the mess i’ve created,  
but i can’t do anything,  
except sit here each day hoping  
to once again see the sparkle in your eyes that I’ve become so familiar with.

I’m so selfish,  
I’m really sorry byul 

your love,  
hyejin <3

* * *

_"Let’s go, Byul-ah. I want to go to the sea.” Hyejin threw her arms around her girlfriend in the driver’s seat._

_"No Hyegi, it’s late you’re drunk and you have work tomorrow. We’re going home.” Byulyi refused to start the car. She knew Hyejin was obviously intoxicated and would wake up the next morning with a migraine, at best._

_"Fine! I’ll walk there myself,” Hyejin pouted._

_Byulyi couldn’t bear to see her girlfriend upset, despite knowing this was just another of her drunk behaviours._

_"Okay, okay. We’ll go to the beach, but only for fifteen minutes. You have to go to school early tomorrow.” Byulyi started the car and drove off._

_About fifteen minutes later the two of them were leaning against the cool metal railing that separated the empty boardwalk from the shallow water._

_“Byul-ah! can I go into the water? It looks fun.” Hyejin tugged on Byulyi’s sleeve like a little girl asking for a lollipop in a candy store._

_Byulyi couldn’t resist her puppy-eyed look and relented, knowing that she’d have trouble bringing Hyejin home and putting her to sleep later on._

_“Byul-ah, come into the water with me! It feels so good!” Hyejin shouted as she splashed in the waist-deep water._

_Byulyi just laughed and shook her head, enjoying her girlfriend’s antics. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to, just that-_

_“What do you mean no? You’re missing out on the fun!” Hyejin came up to her, interrupting her thoughts. She began to drag byulyi into the water._

_"Hyejin-ah I don’t think this is a good idea, I can’t swim as well as you and the waves look big-” Byulyi stuttered as they approached the water._

_Hyejin just laughed it off, “I’ll protect you, I promise." Those were the last words she was able to tell Byulyi before she was thrown against the breakwater and slipped from consciousness._

 

Hyejin blinked and a tear slid down her cheek as she recalled the turn of events that night. “I’m sorry Byul-ah, I broke my promise. It’s all my fault.”

She stared at the girl lying on the hospital bed in front of her, the only sign of life being her chest slowly rising and falling amidst the beeping of the heart rate monitor.

* * *

byul-ah,  
how are you?  
i miss you.  
wheein tells me that i should rest,  
that i should let go of my thoughts for a while.  
how am i supposed to let go of my thoughts  
if all i think about is you?

at night i stare at the ceiling, at the glow-in-the-dark stars you pasted there because i used to be scared of the dark.  
they light up the dark room every night,  
just like you, my star,  
lighting up my world.  
but now my star has stopped shining,  
and my world is dark again 

will you wake up soon  
to shine brightly and light up my world again? 

your love,  
hyejin <3

* * *

“Byul-ah, do you remember this book?” Hyejin whispered as she placed the scrapbook on the table beside the bed. No response. She opened it slowly, revealing page after page of pictures, coupled with Byulyi’s handwriting beside some of them.

It all started out two years ago in high school. Byulyi had been in her third year and Hyejin was just a freshman. They were both on the athletics team, so they often trained together. In the span of a year trainings together quickly turned into frequent lunch-cum-study dates, and later on sleepovers and even a short camping trip at the end of Hyejin’s freshman year.

_“Byul-ah, I’m scared. It’s awfully cold out here, and what if the animals outside attack us while we’re sleeping?” Hyejin whimpered from under her blanket in the tent they had set up at a popular campsite in Seoul. Byulyi laughed at the younger girl’s expression -how could anyone be so cute without even trying?- and pulled Hyejin closer to her._

_“Don’t worry, I’ll keep you safe,” Byulyi said as they cuddled in their tent._

Hyejin smiled slightly as she put the polaroid back in its place on the page in the scrapbook. It was a birthday present from Byulyi two years after they met, in Byulyi’s final year in high school.

_“You’ll be graduating tomorrow, and I won’t get to see you as much anymore.” Hyejin kicked at the fallen leaves on the ground as she walked home with the older girl who had, in the last two years, become more like a sister than a friend to her._

_“Silly girl, who said that we won’t be seeing each other? I just won’t be in school after this year, but it’s not like I’m leaving Korea or anything. Promise me you’ll be strong and continue to work hard even when I’m not there to keep you company in school, alright?”_

_Hyejin couldn’t help but smile, she knew that it was going to be hard but she’ll have to try regardless._

_mellow_ , Byulyi had carefully written on the page beside the polaroids of their camping trip, along with other aesthetic autumn shots she’d taken of Hyejin without the younger girl noticing.

“I promised that I’ll be strong, Byul-ah, and I want you to be strong too, okay?” She leaned forward to kiss her gently on the forehead.

* * *

“Hyejin-ah, go get some sleep, Byulyi will be alright here with the medical staff on duty. Have you seen yourself in the mirror? You look like you haven’t slept in days, you need to rest” Wheein patted her friend on the shoulder, worried that at this rate Hyejin would fall ill herself.

“But I want to be here when she wakes up-”

“Listen, Hyejin-ah. I know how much Byulyi means to you, but you need to take care of yourself too. I’m sure Byulyi wouldn’t want to see you in this state,” Yongsun tried to persuade the younger girl.

Hyejin wanted to protest, but she knew her friends were right. In the last two weeks she could barely sleep; she missed having Byulyi beside her. Maybe Wheein was right. Maybe she should let go of her thoughts, just for a day.

“Goodnight, my star.”

* * *

A series of vibrations from her phone woke Hyejin from her nap. She glanced over to check the caller ID, it was from a number she’d never seen before.  _Who in the right of mind would call at three in the morning?_

“Is this Ms. Ahn Hyejin? This is Seoul National Hospital, and we’d like to inform you that patient Moon Byulyi is awake.”

Hyejin could feel her heart beating faster and faster as as the cab whizzed its way to the hospital that she’d gone to every day in the last two weeks.

Yongsun and Wheein, too, had come down after being woken up by Hyejin’s excited phone call at three in the morning.

Yongsun and Wheein went in first, with Hyejin following closely behind them. She couldn’t believe it. The girl who she’d been so worried about over the past fortnight was now right in front of her, twirling with her shoulder-length hair completely oblivious to the fact that she was in a hospital ward.

“Byulyi-ssi it’s good to have you back! We were all so worried about you, especially Hyejin here, gosh, she visited you every single day,” Wheein said, smiling brightly even though it was approaching four o’clock.

“We'll leave the two of you alone to talk, we’re outside if you need anything!” Yongsun called out as they moved towards the exit.

“Byul-ah, I missed you. How are you? Did the doctor come just now? Are you feeling alright? It’s really good to know that you’re okay. Gosh, I missed you so much I don’t think I can put it all into words.” Hyejin grabbed the older girl’s hand tightly, her eyes wet from her happy tears.

Byulyi picked up the letters on the table beside her bed, expressionless. Slowly, she leafed through them, only seeming to get more puzzled as she read.

“What’s wrong, Byul-ah?”

Byulyi took in a deep breath. “Sorry Hyejin, what you’re writing about in the letters, what we once had? I don’t remember any of it.”

Hyejin could feel the hot tears that threatened to fall. She struggled to hold herself together, which wasn’t easy, given her heart which had just shattered into a million pieces like broken glass.

“It’s okay, I understand. It’s not your fault,” she barely whispered as she turned around to leave the room.

 _This is all your fault, Ahn Hyejin_ , she thought as the tears streamed down her cheeks.

* * *

Byulyi was discharged from the hospital a week later, and Hyejin was there to bring her home- though Byulyi seemed to have no recollection of the place she used to frequent so often.

The cab ride home was silent, the atmosphere between the two of them so tense it might just snap like a rubber band. Hyejin glanced over at Byulyi, who was on the other end of the seat, staring out the window at the traffic that whizzed by.

Her heart ached. In that split second at the hospital that day Byulyi had gone from closer than a sister to (almost) as distant as a complete stranger, opening a gaping hole in Hyejin’s heart that only seemed to grow wider with each passing day since then.

She knew that the emptiness she felt in her heart could only be filled by one person; the person who had held her hand and been her other half since middle school, the person who lit up Hyejin’s world every time she had a bad day, the person who had been her other half for the last two years of her life.

_I miss you so fucking much, I want to call you mine again._

Byulyi entered her bedroom at home to find an envelope on the bed, sealed with a small heart-shaped sticker. She opened it to find a letter similar to the ones she’d read back at the hospital.

  
  


byul-ah,

It’s probably as hard for you as it is for me,  
it hurts to see you struggling like this.  
but please don’t blame yourself for anything.  
all this is my fault,  
it’s all a result of my own selfishness.

the doctor said that it may only be temporary amnesia,  
which means you might get your memory back,  
and i want you to know that  
even if it takes weeks, months or even years,  
i’ll wait.

your (ex) love  
hyejin <3


End file.
